Well, my gratitude week (and a half) was sort of a success. I stuck to my more tangible goals almost 100%, but I felt like I was only doing it because it was a checklist of things I needed to get done. The first couple of days it felt more genuine, but after that I just wasn't feeling it. So I kind of think my gratitude week was a bit of a flop. Although I did send more notes and say more thank-yous than I normally do, so it was nice to feel like I was doing better at expressing gratitude. But I didn't feel like my heart was full of gratitude like it should have been.
This is a busy and stressful time for our family. Michael is almost done with school. Just 2 more weeks. But it's honestly hard to muster up the energy to do pretty much everything involving the kids or the house all by myself, and then have time and energy left over to do much of anything else.
What I really want is to have more of those moments where I just recognize the beauty of a moment or the perfectness of a feeling and then just let that feeling linger as long as possible. And I know those moments and feelings are there waiting for me, basically all of the time. I just need to slow down and stop focusing on my to-do list or my previous expectations, and let go and enjoy my life. There really is truly so much to enjoy.
I really think this is one area where I can use the enabling power of the Atonement. This subject has been on my mind for a few months. How can I access that power to help me in my everyday life? Not just in repentance or comfort, but in improving in any given area. The Atonement can provide the strength I need to be more spiritually capable and to rise above my previous level of ability. I know that is true. Sometimes I wonder, though, if I go about accessing that power in the right way. As far as I currently understand, I need to pray for strength and help and then as I go forward and do my best to follow my Savior's example, then I will have access to that power. But I feel like I try to do that! I guess sometimes I just lose my focus.
So, anyways, I have two main goals for this week. The first one is to practice this pattern of accessing the enabling power of the atonement, as I understand it, and see if it works. I want my focus this week to be there. I want to keep it in the forefront of my mind all day. When I am tempted to lose control over my emotions, I want to stop and breathe and remember my goal. This is a hard goal to quantify, but I want to see if I find it easier to recognize the beauty in my life through practicing this pattern. So we'll see!
My other goal is totally unrelated to spiritual things. My mom invited my sister and me to accompany her and my dad on a trip to Switzerland in June. And right before that Michael and I will be taking a canoe trip with Ryan and some others to the boundary waters for almost a week. Both of these trips will be memorable, and I really want to look better physically than I do now. I want to look back at the pictures and feel as good about myself as possible.
I was recently reading articles online about some new supposed super supplement that makes you lose a lot of weight pretty quickly. I was really tempted to pay the $4.95 shipping to get my "free sample bottle". I will admit, if I didn't know Michael watched the finances so carefully, I would have done it. I just didn't want to be caught doing something so ridiculous and vain. And I'm glad I didn't buy it. Because yes, it might be all it claims to be. But I would rather lose weight knowing that I did it in a way that really worked because I was making better choices for my body, and hopefully learning how to make those choices regularly in my life. I don't want to lose weight because I paid someone money to fix me.
So, in that spirit, my second goal for this week is to keep an accurate food log every day and not exceed 1000 calories per day. I know that amount is kind of extreme, but I feel like unless I'm training for a half marathon and doing 9 mile runs every weekend, this weight is really not going to come off unless I do something more drastic than I have been doing recently! So, there we go. Go get it!
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